Genshin Impact: My roommate and I became funny Hilichurls

Page 78

Chapter 86 Death Penalty! Repeated Execution!

"Stop right there! Er Kang, you bastard, don't run away!"

"Erkang, you come back here! I'll beat the shit out of you and shove it back into your mouth!"

"You've really gone too far this time!! Blasphemy! You deserve to die!"

Qingyu, Zhang Chu, and Gu Qian, like mad dogs off their leash, staged an extreme chase within the Jingshan Palace.

Qingyu carried an RPG rocket launcher covered with "Thousand Year Kill" talismans, Zhang Chu wielded a crackling, lightning-filled thunder hammer, and Gu Qian dragged a giant spiked club covered with sharp barbs, comparable to a battering ram!

Er Kang, who was being chased, pushed his speed to the limit, his legs moving so fast that they left afterimages, making him run like a whirlwind. As he ran, he kept looking back and yelling, "I was wrong! I was really wrong! Help! They're killing Hilichurls! Is there no law?!"

Nasita, who had just been pulled out of a pile of documents to get some fresh air, was holding a date bigger than her face. She stared blankly at the sudden chase, her little head completely unable to comprehend what was happening: "What... is going on with them?"

Before she could finish speaking, she was suddenly pulled into a tight embrace by the excited King Buyer of the Great Tree! "Oh my god! My Nasita! You look so adorable in this outfit! Let me hug you! Let me rub against you!"

The Great Tree King buried his face in Nasita's soft hair, whimpering happily, completely ignoring the chaos before him.

Clearly, she was very pleased with Nasita's new look.

Ying sighed deeply, covering Paimon's eyes with one hand as he excitedly shouted, "Go! Fight! Fight!", and supporting her forehead with the other.

She glanced at the flying squirrel sitting next to her, its entire body trembling slightly, its eyes flashing red light wildly as if it were about to overload (forced calm passive frenzy triggered). Finally, her gaze fell helplessly on the root of the commotion—Nashida.

The little grass god was dressed in an exquisite black and white lace maid outfit, with cute cat ear headbands, white stockings covering her calves, and no shoes on her feet...

This outfit, combined with her bewildered little face, was incredibly devastating.

Even a fool could tell that this was Er Kang's "masterpiece"!

Soon, Qingyu and Zhang Chu returned, each carrying one of Erkang, who was bruised and battered and looked like a dead dog. Gu Qian followed behind, dragging his spiked club, glaring menacingly.

Just at this moment!

The surrounding environment suddenly changed! The original scene of Jingshan Palace receded like the tide!

Ying, Paimon, Flying Squirrel, and Great Tree King felt a sudden weight on their bottoms and found themselves sitting neatly on the benches in the audience!

Before them stood a solemn and dignified courtroom!

Dressed in a black judge's robe and wearing a wig, Zhang Chu sat solemnly on the judge's bench. He picked up the small wooden gavel on the table, struck it with a "thud," and shouted in a deep and authoritative voice: "Silence! Court is now in session! Bring in the defendant—Erkang!"

Gu Qian threw Er Kang onto the restraint chair in the defendant's dock like he was picking up a chick (the chair was engraved with "For the most heinous crimes").

"Defendant Er Kang!"

Judge Zhang adjusted glasses that weren't actually there.

"You are accused of multiple serious crimes, including 'deceiving the gods,' 'aesthetic distortion,' and 'blatant pedophilia'! Do you plead guilty?"

"I am innocent!"

Even though he was tied up, Er Kang still held his neck straight and let out an indomitable cry.

“Nasita is five hundred years old! By age, she’s my great-grandmother! I’m not doing this to molten copper! I’m doing archaeology! I’m doing this for nostalgia! I’m paying homage to ancient wisdom!”

Nasita, sitting in the prosecutor's seat, was even more bewildered. She looked down at her cat-paw gloves, then looked around, her little head seemingly filled with question marks.

How did she get to this position?

Sitting in the witness stand, Qingyu slammed his hand on the table, so angry he almost picked up the RPG.

"I have never seen such a shameless person! Gu Qian! Show me the evidence!"

"Everyone, please take a look!"

Gu Qian stood up and, as if displaying a priceless treasure, solemnly took out a crumpled piece of paper that looked like it had been torn from a notebook. On it, written in crooked handwriting, was the "Preliminary Assessment Report on Naxida's Mental State (Draft)".

Nasita's mouth gaped open as she stared in disbelief at the so-called "evidence."

"According to this authoritative report issued by the 'Teyvat Non-Professional Guessing Association'!" Gu Qian's voice boomed.

"Although Ms. Nasita is five hundred years old, due to her long-term imprisonment, she lacks common sense about society, and her psychological age is no different from that of a young child!"

"This clearly shows, Erkang! You exploited his cognitive deficiencies to commit fraud and moral corruption! Your heart is despicable! Your crime deserves castration!"

Qingyu added indignantly.

A calm and elegant voice rang out. The Wolf King, who had somehow changed into a sharp suit and was wearing gold-rimmed glasses, sat down in the defense attorney's seat.

He rose gracefully: "The so-called 'report' provided by the prosecution lacks any official medical institution seal or doctor's signature, and has no legal effect; it is invalid evidence! We request that it be dismissed in court!"

"Hahaha! Well done! Wolf King! You truly are my most loyal butler!"

Erkang laughed triumphantly, and even pulled out a cup of iced oolong tea from somewhere, taking a satisfying sip.

"How are you, Qingyu? Feeling bad? Frustrated? Does it feel like those three boxes of snacks you hid under your bed suddenly mysteriously disappeared? That's right! I ate them all!"

"What!!!"

Judge Zhang, Gu Qianzheng, and Lawyer Wolf King all stared at Er Kang in disbelief.

Qingyu was struck dumb, clutching his chest and taking three steps back, as if he could hear the sound of his heart breaking!

"And you too! Gu Qian!"

Er Kang was clearly high and started indiscriminately self-destructing.

"Did your back feel itchy all day? Guess what I put on it?"

Gu Qian subconsciously reached down to his massive back and, sure enough, tore off a piece of paper the size of a postage stamp.

He leaned closer to look, and his face instantly turned as black as the bottom of a pot!

The note had an arrow drawn on it, pointing to his back, and next to it was written a line of small print: "This person's true identity is a cute little girl with purple fur and animal ears!"

Sizzle! A terrifying burst of lightning erupted from Gu Qian's body, and the note was vaporized without even leaving ashes!

Gu Qian's massive body trembled slightly with rage, and the lightning element crackled uncontrollably.

"Lord Erkang?! What's wrong?!"

The Wolf King stared in shock at his client who had suddenly launched a "suicide attack."

"And you too! Zhang Chu!"

Er Kang completely let loose, pointing at the judge's bench.

"Do you know why your precious Thunder Hammer keeps leaking electricity, and it always shocks you in the crotch? It's because I drew a bad luck amplification symbol on it with invisible ink! The design is—a pig wearing a judge's wig!"

"What!!"

Judge Zhang Chu instantly lost his composure, no longer caring about his image, and suddenly picked up his hammer, frantically wiping the hammerhead with his hands.

Sure enough, stimulated by the lightning elemental force, a faintly glowing, extremely lewd pig-headed judge image slowly appeared!

Zhang Chu: "..."

Everyone: "..."

The courtroom fell into a deathly silence.

"What did you drink?!"

Wolf King dashed to the defendant's seat, picked up the empty glass bottle at Er Kang's feet, and brought it to his nose to smell—a strong aroma of alcohol mixed with oolong tea hit him right in the head.

The bottle bears an extremely dangerous label: "[Water of Life - Flammable Oolong Tea Special Blend]!"

The wolf king fell silent.

Everyone fell silent.

This stuff, let alone Er Kang, could probably make Gu Qian dance a ballet if you gave it to him.

Sure enough, Er Kang tilted his head to the side and started snoring loudly on the restraint chair, completely fast asleep.

Everyone silently turned their gaze to Zhang Chu, whose face was ashen, sitting on the judge's bench.

Zhang Chu took a deep breath, as if using all his strength to maintain the last shred of dignity in the courtroom: "...Defense attorney...do you have anything else to say?"

The Wolf King, expressionless, pushed up his glasses: "...Your Honor, my client...has voluntarily given up treatment. That's it."

"Good! Very good! Since that's the case!"

Judge Zhang Chu slammed his gavel down like a death knell, roaring furiously: "This court hereby pronounces its verdict! Defendant Er Kang, guilty of heinous crimes! Multiple offenses combined! Extremely egregious circumstances! Extremely arrogant attitude! Sentenced to—death! Immediate execution! Repeated execution! Until the account is cancelled!"

As if they had received a royal decree, Qingyu and Guqian, their eyes burning with the flames of revenge, grinned as they walked toward the defendant's seat, dragging the sleeping Erkang, who was like a dead pig, toward the backyard like a dead dog.

In the audience, Ying sighed silently again, Paimon excitedly recorded the "materials", the red light flashing in Ainz Ooal Gown's eyes finally slowed down, and the Great Tree King was still rubbing the bewildered Narcida in his arms.

It seems that Sumeru's "peaceful" life will continue in this chaotic manner.

And Er Kang's "death sentence"...

This is probably just the beginning of the next farce.

Chapter 87 A Winter Night Fool's Play

In the Winter Kingdom, in the Ice Palace, the deepest strategic meeting room.

The long table was carved from solid ice that never melts, and its icy aura permeated the air, yet it couldn't suppress the even more stagnant atmosphere in the room at this moment.

The various executives of the Fools were gathered here in a rare manner, but none of them looked well.

Piero, the chief clown, sat silently in the main seat. His masked face revealed no expression, but his gaze was fixed on the four Hearts of God in the center of the long table, each radiating a different elemental light and symbolizing the power to govern the mortal world.

The Heart of the Rock God is as steady as a rock, the Heart of the Wind God is as light as a breeze, the Heart of the Thunder God is as fierce as thunder, and the Heart of the Grass God contains boundless wisdom...

They lay quietly on the velvet cushions, radiating an alluring yet unsettling glow.

The clown's silence lasted so long that even the most hot-tempered executives were on the verge of losing their temper.

Finally, he slowly raised his head, his gaze first falling on D'Artagnan, who was sitting at the end of the table, and Rosalind, whose face was ashen. His voice was low and carried a hint of imperceptible weariness: "D'Artagnan, Rosalind... say it again, how exactly did you... 'obtain' these Hearts of God?"

He emphasized the word "obtain".

Rosalyn's face instantly turned as black as ink, and the evil eye embedded in her chest seemed to glow slightly because of her anger.

She took several deep breaths before squeezing out the words through clenched teeth, each syllable sounding as if pierced by an ice pick: "I... in Mondstadt... was crushed flat by that damned, mountain-like Rathalos!"

She practically shouted out the last three words, and the temperature around her suddenly rose a few degrees.

"When I woke up... I found this thing..."

She pointed with disgust at the Heart of the Wind God.