Genshin Impact: My roommate and I became funny Hilichurls

Page 97

An "old scholar" wearing an exaggeratedly colorful wig, a monocle, and a robe adorned with stars, began his "historical rap" in the square next to the headquarters of the Knights of Favonius, beating a small drum with an awkward yet strangely catchy rhythm.

"Thinks they're superior, but actually their brains are a bit empty~"

Forcing people to crawl like dogs, and then thinking it's pretty cool~

As a result, he was kicked off the stage by Barbatos, the god of wind! YO!

A crowd gradually gathered, bursting into laughter. This "old scholar" was, of course, Bugs Bunny in disguise.

Using various comical characters, he turned the Lawrence family's petty squabbles into jokes in every corner of Mondstadt, making them known to everyone, young and old.

At first, some members of the Lawrence family were so angry that they wanted to argue with him, but Bugs Bunny was faster than the wind. He always managed to disappear in a gray shadow before the group of "gentlemen" could catch him, leaving behind only laughter and a few "noble temperament experience tickets" printed with the cross-eyed eagle emblem.

These experience vouchers quickly became popular among children.

"Look! I got a coupon for 'being stared at with your nostrils for one minute'!"

“This is what I call ‘listening to aristocratic complaints’!”

The children, laughing and joking, took their coupons and ran to the still-aloof Lawrence people to "redeem services," infuriating the old-fashioned folks who were too afraid to retaliate. They could only flee in embarrassment under the watchful eyes of the surrounding crowd, who seemed to be watching a monkey show.

The pre-event publicity was highly effective.

The word "Lawrence" in the mouths of Mondstadt citizens gradually transformed from a word that originally carried a heavy sense of historical aversion into a word that carried a mocking tone.

Feeling that the time was right, Bugs Bunny changed his disguise, dressed in an aristocratic style, and swaggered into the "noble" coffee shop where the Lawrence family members loved to gather. It was a place they maintained to keep up appearances, but which rarely had any customers.

"Good afternoon, everyone... uh, 'gentlemen'?"

Bugs Bunny pulled out a luxurious chair and sat down, placing the carrot on the table covered with a snow-white tablecloth with such elegance that it seemed to be some rare delicacy.

The Lawrences, who were muttering complaints about the "low quality of common coffee beans," were stunned and frowned at the uninvited rabbit.

"Introduce yourself."

Bugs Bunny picked up a carrot with his paws and examined it against the light as if he were tasting a fine wine.

"I come from a distant kingdom with a history far longer than yours... the Carrot Kingdom. I could be considered a nobleman, by all accounts."

He made things up off the cuff, but his tone carried an undeniable certainty.

"in my opinion."

He looked around, his gaze sweeping over the stiff faces of the several Mr. Lawrences.

“A true aristocrat’s taste is reflected in the most subtle details. For example, can one distinguish the subtle difference between the ‘Sunshine Golden Crown’ carrots from the eastern slope of the Sunshine Winery and the ‘Sweet Emerald’ carrots from the fertile soil by the stream in Clear Spring Town, a difference that is about terroir and soul.”

He introduced them with great seriousness, pushing two carrots that looked almost identical in front of the other person.

Lawrence and the others looked at each other, wondering what nonsense the rabbit was spouting.

Bugs Bunny raised one eyebrow, his tone carrying just the right amount of disdain.

"Don't you gentlemen even have this most basic sense of taste? Oh my god, it seems that some so-called 'aristocratic heritage' has withered to the point that they can't even appreciate the elegance of a carrot. How... pathetic."

These words struck a nerve with Lawrence and his ilk like a needle.

To prove that they still had "good taste," they braced themselves and began to pretend to "appreciate" carrots.

"Hmm...this one does...taste more like sunshine."

"Nonsense! It's clearly this one, with the sweet taste of spring water!"

An absurd debate about the taste of carrots unfolds in a coffee shop.

Bugs Bunny, meanwhile, "kindly" acted as referee, using all sorts of exaggerated words to deepen their self-hypnosis, and "generously" gifted them a large number of "premium carrots" as "gifts among nobles."

For the next few days, the Lawrence family's dining table was filled with the aroma of carrots at almost every meal...

Meanwhile, Bugs Bunny began the next step in his plan.

He sought out the young Lawrence members who were most concerned with saving face and most easily provoked.

"Look at Mondstadt now."

Bugs Bunny said with a pained expression (pretending).

"Undisciplined and chaotic! Although you have encountered some minor setbacks for the time being... well, what about the sense of responsibility of the nobility? What about your 'care' for this city? Are you just going to stand by and watch it degenerate?"

He subtly guided the conversation: “Look at those streets! Fallen leaves! Dust! It’s an affront to aesthetics! True nobles, even in adversity, should lead by example, demonstrating their noble character through their actions, and guiding those… well, lost sheep.”

So, encouraged by Bugs Bunny, a few young Lawrences, blinded by a sense of "aristocratic responsibility," actually took magnifying glasses and tweezers and went out into the streets to carry out their "urban aesthetics inspection" mission.

They carefully avoided the crowd (mainly to avoid being recognized), focusing intently on picking up the almost invisible dust particles. Their earnestness made it seem as if they were undertaking a sacred mission, drawing sidelong glances and snickers from passersby.

Some people were even tricked by Bugs Bunny into becoming "public art performance artists," wearing their ancestral, somewhat outdated but still gorgeous formal wear, striking stiff poses in the center of the square like those in "Liberty Leading the People," standing there for half a day, ostensibly to "enhance the public's artistic literacy," but in reality becoming the most popular photo backdrops before the Flower Festival.

Thanks to Bugs Bunny's "meticulous planning" and "unremitting efforts," a unique "Lawrence Family Talent Showcase Special Gift" event was launched in the largest square in the city center.

The news had already spread throughout the city, and the square was now packed with people, even more so than when watching their idol Barbara perform.

Commander Jean and Kaiya stood by the window of the Knights' office, looking down with complicated expressions.

Kaeya had an irrepressible smile on his lips, while Jean could only hold her forehead and pray that nothing serious would happen.

On stage, a group of Lawrence members, dressed in uniform (but obviously ill-fitting, as if hastily made) dresses, were pale-faced and had blank stares.

They were coaxed and tricked by Bugs Bunny, who also used the provocation that "not participating means admitting that the family has no artistic talent" to get them to participate.

The music started (a march that Bugs Bunny got from somewhere, with an extremely comical style).

Bugs Bunny, who was hosting the event, was dressed in a tuxedo covered with carrot patterns and was holding a carrot-shaped megaphone.

"Ladies and gentlemen! On this day filled with freedom and love, let us, with 'immense excitement,' enjoy the grand chorus brought to us by the historic and profound Lawrence family: 'Ode to the Carrot'! Oh, sorry, it's 'Lawrence... uh, with New Mond'!"

The members of Lawrence opened their mouths, but sang lyrics written by Bugs Bunny:

"We were once lost in the abyss of power~ (voice trembling)"

Oppression and enslavement blinded them~ (Some people start covering their faces)

Thank you, Wind God, for bestowing upon us the winds of freedom~ (The tune drifts to the horizon)

And we must praise the carrots for their incredible deliciousness! (voice cracks)

The audience erupted in deafening laughter, with many slapping their thighs in hysteria.

Lawrence's face went from white to red, then to purplish-blue, as if he wanted to disappear into a crack in the ground.

Next came the group dance "Aristocratic Roll," which imitated the disarray of their ancestors when they were overthrown.

The movements were clumsy and the formations were scattered. It was less a dance and more like a group of puppets in gorgeous costumes performing a series of falls.

Finally, there was a poetry recitation entitled "Ah, how sweet the air of freedom is!"

The recitation was led by an older Lawrence, who was sobbing (mostly out of shame) that he was practically screaming with his life on his hands, as if he were not praising freedom but denouncing Bugs Bunny's devilish deeds.

The performance ended "perfectly" amidst uproarious laughter and applause that nearly lifted the roof off.

The Lawrence members slumped on the stage, their eyes vacant, as if their souls had left their bodies.

Bugs Bunny announced in the most solemn tone.

"The most glorious moment has arrived! In recognition of the Lawrence family's 'outstanding contributions' to Mondstadt's... uh, entertainment industry, as well as their 'profound' repentance and 'vigorous promotion' of carrot culture, I, on behalf of... um, the Carrot Kingdom and all the citizens of Mondstadt who are laughing until their stomachs hurt, hereby confer upon them the title of 'Carrot Honorary Noble'!"

He took out the "laurel wreath" and "scepter" he had prepared beforehand, carved from the largest and freshest carrot, and placed them on the heads (or rather, inserted them into the hands) of the dejected Lawrence members one by one.

May the wisdom and sweetness of carrots forever guide your way!

Bugs Bunny winked at the audience.

Thunderous applause and cheers erupted from the audience: "Carrot Aristocracy! Carrot Aristocracy!"

From that day on, the Lawrence family was completely "socially dead" in Mond.

They didn't die from hatred, but from endless ridicule.

Some of them finally faced reality and left Mondstadt in disgrace; some completely gave up and actually started researching a hundred ways to cook carrots; and a very few, such as the young nobleman who once kicked Bugs Bunny into the trash can, supposedly locked himself in his room for a long time, and when he came out, his eyes had changed, and he would tell everyone he met, "I used to be such an idiot."

Bugs Bunny kept his deeds and fame hidden, continuing his leisurely vacation in another world. However, the legend of a mysterious rabbit that brought down an ancient noble family in Mondstadt lingered for a long time.

However, the leader of the guild discovered that in the following months, the consumption of carrots in Mondstadt increased significantly, and the surname Lawrence could no longer cause any trouble.

She looked at the carrot tied with a bow on her desk, which someone had left there, sighed helplessly, but couldn't help but smile slightly.

"Perhaps...this can be considered a kind of...peaceful evolution?"

She muttered to herself, then carefully put the carrot into the drawer.

Chapter 116 Everyone's Fishing, Qin Comes Knocking

"That's roughly how it went. So, guys, how was my job? Not bad, right?"

Bugs Bunny, legs crossed, nestled comfortably in the softest armchair at Angel's Gift Tavern, munching on a local Mondstadt carrot, supposedly irrigated with the spring water of Springvale, his face beaming with the satisfied smile of someone who had just pulled off a plan.

Ying opened her mouth, wanting to say something, but found that any words seemed pale and powerless in the face of Bugs Bunny's "feat". In the end, she could only squeeze out two dry words: "...Awesome".

Yura crossed her arms, her icy blue eyes unusually devoid of their usual indifference, instead carrying a hint of barely perceptible approval. She nodded, saying succinctly, "Well done."

For this "Swimming Knight," who deeply despises the old aristocracy, to give such an evaluation, it's clear that Bugs Bunny's actions truly resonated with her.

"Ha, thank you for the compliment."

Bugs Bunny wiggled his ears smugly and stuffed the last bite of carrot into his mouth.

"It's quite interesting, actually. During the implementation of the plan, I discovered that the Lawrence family wasn't a monolithic entity. There were a few younger members who seemed to have long been fed up with their family's outdated ways, but they were too afraid to speak up because of their status. My 'carrot education' might have indirectly helped them."

He clapped his hands, as if remembering something, and looked around: "Oh right, where are the other four? You mean Qingyu, Erkang, Zhang Chu, and Gu Qian? I haven't seen them. I wanted to hear their opinion on my good show."

Mentioning the four-person group, Paimon immediately twisted his body awkwardly in mid-air, scratching his head with his little hands: "Them... uh... well..."

Yura sighed and answered for Paimon, "He's in solitary confinement."

"Solitary confinement?"

Bugs Bunny's long ears stood up in confusion, like two question marks.

"What trouble have they gotten themselves into this time? Did they steal Lord Diluc's treasured wine? Or did they make Captain Kaeya's coin disappear?"

“A little more ‘lively’ than that…”

Yura sighed, feeling a throbbing pain in her temples again.

"They went to Starfall Lake with Klee... and fished."

"Fried fish?!"